


Space Battleship Yamato in 20 Minutes or Less

by Shadow2Serenity



Category: Uchu Senkan Yamato | Space Battleship Yamato (2010)
Genre: Breadbox Edition, Gen, Humor, Parody, Yamato as character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-03-21 20:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3704557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow2Serenity/pseuds/Shadow2Serenity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A breadbox of the Quest for Iscandar series. Snark, language skillz, "ship" jokes, and leet-speak abound.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Battle at Pluto" in 400 Words or Less

**Author's Note:**

> With profuse apologies to Leiji Matsumoto and the rest of the production/animation/performance staff of the original SBY series….

NARRATOR: It's 2199. Apocalypse: now.

GAMILAS: Were in ur system bombin ur world. If you saw the English version, you called us the Gamilons. We are badass. Watch us score.

OKITA: I'm the first, last and only line of defense. If you saw the English version, my name was Captain Avatar and I sounded an awful lot like Casey Kasem.

KODAI: I'm the hotshot kid whose whole family has now been zapped by Gamilas. If you saw the English version, I was just as trigger-happy but my name was Derek Wildstar.

SHIMA: I'm Kodai's better half. No, srsly. If you saw the English version, I was Mark Venture, the Hoban Washburne of anime.

AUDIENCE: Who?

SASHA: Wheeeeee! Ooooh, pretty planets! All blue and green and red and red and - *CRASH*

KODAI & SHIMA: WTF?

SHIMA: I hate it when a hot chick gets killed off.

KODAI: Heeeey, I wonder what's on this capsule of hers? *snicker*

GAMILAS: *pwnz Earth fleet*

MAMORU: HARDCOOOOORE!!!! *kaboom*

OKITA: You poor bastard. I'ma go monologue about Earth now to mourn you.

KODAI & SHIMA: Road trip!

YUKI: I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Matsumoto.

KODAI & SHIMA: o_O

YUKI: Hi, guys. If you saw the English version, I was Nova, the cute jill-of-all-trades.

KODAI & SHIMA: DIIIIIIBS!!!!!

DR. SADO: *hic* I'm the *hic* brilliant doctor. Want some sake? *hic* Oh yeah, if you saw the English version, I was Dr. Sane and it was spring water. *hic*

ANALYZER: Just call me R2-D2. Or, if you saw the English version, IQ-9. Either way I really want to jump Yuki's bones. ^_^

AUDIENCE: Oh, great. TMI.

STARSHA: Hi, Earth. I'm Starsha. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to leave all you love behind, fly 148,000 light-years to Iscandar, endure danger lurking around every corner, blow stuff up, get yourselves all shot to….oh, crap, I'm giving away too much story already. Oh, and here, have some blueprints.

OKITA & EDF COMMANDER: Oooooh. Ahhhhh. Special.

GAMILAS FIGHTER: Zoom.

KODAI: Hello. My name is Susumu Kodai. You killed my brother. Prepare to die.

EARTH FIGHTER: *coughcough*blugh*cough*

SHIMA: Damn Chevy radiator!

KODAI: *CRASH* Yep, saw this coming as soon as Detroit went bankrupt.

SHIMA: We are soooo busted.

KODAI: *climbs hill* OMGWTF?!?!

YAMATO: *snore*

NARRATOR: WAKE UP!!!! No time to lose, sleepy-bridge!

YAMATO: Aw, c'mon, just another five years? *hits snooze button*

NARRATOR: You've only got one before we're all toast.

YAMATO: Now he tells me. *snore*


	2. "Carrier Attacks the Sleeping Yamato" in 500 Words or Less

NARRATOR: Distance to Iscandar: 148,000 light-years. Days to do it: 365. Gamilas ships in the way: about 5,478. Earth ships that can make the trip: 1. Getting the Cosmo Cleaner: priceless.

AUDIENCE: So, basically we're all screwed, then?

NARRATOR: Well, if the _Yamato_ will just get its ass out of sea-bed and get a move on…

YAMATO: *snore*

KODAI: Mm, Yuki, you're really good with your hands, ya know.

YUKI: Yeah, and if my folks weren't trying to build me a harem worthy of Cleopatra, I'd take to that a lot better.

AUDIENCE: Hey, second episode and we've already got our first 'ship! Sweet!

KODAI/SHIMA SLASHERS: That's what YOU think!

EDF PAGE: Getcher butts out there!!!

KODAI: What is this, Panic! At the Disco?

SHIMA: You sure would think so from the background music.

KODAI: So where are we going?

SADO: And why are we in this handbasket?

YAMATO: *snerk* *snumble* *snore*

OKITA: Well, guys, ready to kick ass and take names?

KODAI: Srsly?

SHIMA: d00d.

YUKI: ;-)

KODAI & SHIMA: =O

OKITA: …okay, enough leet-speak. It's not like the tech manuals for the Wave Motion Engine are written in it.

KODAI: The wav-whaaaaaaat???

OKITA: Stumped ya with that one, didn't I?

GAMILAS CARRIER: Boo!

OKITA: Oh, boy, here we go again.

GAMILAS CARRIER: Grar! Let 'em have it, guys!

YAMATO: *yawn* Okay. Pull it together. Rise above it. *lifts off*

GAMILAS CARRIER: Uh....

YAMATO: Grar yourself, Grammies.

GAMILAS CARRIER: Run away! Run away!

YAMATO: Bang!

GAMILAS CARRIER: *BOOM*

KODAI & SHIMA: Score!

GAMILAS OFFICERS: Uh oh.

DESLER: I'm the Gamilas lord you all know and love. Srsly. Know me. Love me. Adore me. Oh yeah, and fear me. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 'Coz even if you saw the English version where my name was Desslok and I had the wussiest voice in the whole cast, I'm the biggest badass this side of Beemela.

OKITA: So anyway, the _Yamato_ took a one-way cruise to Okinawa and all it got was torpedoed and bombed by a bunch of hotshot Yanks....and yet, conveniently enough, it hit the bottom perfectly upright and in one piece. How about that.

YAMATO: Uhhhhh, boss, in real life I blew up and broke in half. You know that, don't you?

OKITA: Shaddap, I'm telling the story. 

YAMATO: Well, at least it's better than that godawful Rambo cartoon I was in.

NARRATOR: True dat. So now, instead of being raised in mint condition from the seafloor and then improbably blown up by an overrated mega-hero, now you get to go to outer space and save humanity! ZOMGYAYW00TGASM!!!

YAMATO: Oh-kaaayyyyy….what's the catch?

NARRATOR: You've only got a year to fly more than 90,000 parsecs before the radiation fries us all.

YAMATO: Great! Game on!


End file.
